I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
