umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
