wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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