It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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