I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
