Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
