sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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