pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
