Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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