allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
