your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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