your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
