he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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