my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
