chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
