why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
