Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I bet he comes in French.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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