Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
