Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
