They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
