I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
