Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its liver damage thursday
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
