Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
