Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
