wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
