I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
