I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
