whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
