is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
