i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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