allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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