woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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