I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
