I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
