I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
