yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
