WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
