dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
