Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
