Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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