Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
