I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
