I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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