How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
