nutella sex= disaster
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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