I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
