I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
