I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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