States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
