God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
