no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
