if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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