you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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