The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
