I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
