i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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